Monday, October 3, 2011


I love Anne of Green Gables. She is always so dramatic and her words resonate with the reader. One phrase she often used was "I am in the depths of despair." While she was upset over the circumstance, I don't think she was really at the very depth of despair for that is the very definition of depression. The despair wreaks like a pair of gym socks but it is so deep you don't even notice the reason for the despair. Sometimes, you don't even realize that you are at the depths of despair. Depression sneaks up on you and overtakes you like a bad head cold.

I didn't know I was depressed til my doctor told me a low dose of anti-depressant would help me get over a constant battle with various infections and viruses.  I thought she was crazy but I trust her instincts. I have had a long summer and battled asthma, bronchitis, pneumonia, and an upper respiratory infection caused by strep. My stress level is off the charts! I have one sister going through a very bad divorce, and I've stood by her side all summer long. Then, another sister, who is younger than me died suddenly! She left a gaping whole in my heart. . . and more questions than answers in regards to her death.

I've been on the wonder drug of anti-depressants for three weeks, and I feel like I can actually come out of my cave. I reached a point where all I wanted to do was pull the covers over my head. The very thought of leaving the house left me tranquilized with fear. Fear of what I don't know. But, fear gripped me never the less.

I've spent the last 6 weeks since my sister's death on my knees before God. I've pleaded to be healthy again, pleaded for my family to be healthy again, and pleaded to see my son grow into a man of God. I've learned that to truly worship God is to truly appreciate every moment he has given you and everything he has given you no matter how small or insignificant. Worship doesn't mean you have to sing a praise song. I can't sing! But, I can thank him for every breath that I or my family is allowed to take.

After many hours in prayer, God directed me to a nutritionist. Her brilliant deduction summed up my condition as being tired, worn down, and depleted on a cellular level. Yep! That pretty much nailed it.

I've been gradually changing my diet over the last several weeks and now eat so many vegetables and take so many vitamins that it is unbelievable even to me who loves vegies! She has advised me to do a fruit and vegetable cleanse by Standard Process.

I'll start the cleanse today, and for 7 days will only eat vegies and fruits, vitamins, and lots and lots of water. On the 8th day, I can add protein like organic chicken and fish like Salmon. The Quest is to be healthy! So, like all my other quests of motherhood, I'll take you along for the ride. While I am not a recipe blogger, I will try to give you an idea of what I am eating. It'll keep me honest as well!

My posts will be a day behind so I can completely sum up the day.


Jennie said...

Cynda, thanks for sharing this information. It is interesting how the body copes with forms of stress and anxiety. I'm glad you are feeling a difference. I'm interested in your cleanse. I can't wait to see the recipes and hear how you feel. One of my friends did this as well. She highly recommends Beeno. :) Good luck and thanks again for bringing us along for the ride.

Jennifer said...

I am a friend of Jennie's, and found you through her blog because the post title "Depression" caught my eye. (It's my challenge de jour.I am also interested to learn how your diet affects depression.

I hesitate to leave comments to strangers, but I must offer my sympathy. I am so sorry for the loss of your sister. I don't know you, but my heart is breaking for you. As someone who also lost a sibling recently, I know it's the pits. The pits! But I also know that in some ways (not all, mind you) I am stronger, and my family closer, for struggling through our grief. Blessings to you.

Cynda Western Felini said...

Jenny D...Different stresses effect the body differently. I didn't think stress could possibly be a contributor as I have been stressed since the day my son was born. But, alas, it was a different type of stress and my body coped differently.

And, I can see why your friend recommends Beeno! Wow! Am I gassy!

Cynda Western Felini said...

Jennifer, I am so glad you ventured over here to see my blog. Any friend of Jennie's is a friend of mine.

I will let you know how my diet helps the depression. I am dealing with all the emotions and anxieties associated to losing a younger sister as well. I can imagine that dealing with the emotions will help as much as the diet.

I am glad you understand what it is like to lose a sibling. It is a loss unlike any other.